Afternoon. Something occurred to me today. For the last seven years, since the seismic events of my life (and not for the better), every summer time around late May or early June, a switch in my mind is flicked and I take a mental downturn…coincidence?
I don’t deliberately set out to be unwell, but something in my subconscious seems to remember the traumas of 2010 and sends me downwards. It’s not always to the day or hour or anything like that, but on the bad days, the virtual reality becomes total reality.
Think of the brain as a computer. It absorbs millions of pieces of information, some good, some bad, some indifferent. The brain stores them in some compartment and recalls them at inopportune moments. Like May and June. My brain goes back to those times, and remembers the hurt, the pain, the grief. The brain is good at remembering those traumas and emotions.
PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) can take many forms and can affect people differently, like most mental illnesses. It can’t be a coincidence that the second half of the last seven summers has seen trauma dominate my subconscious thinking.
It’s all very well for people to say, try and do things to take your mind off it. If it were only that simple! One day it starts and I have control over it at all. Other times of the year it doesn’t dominate my life. I carry on as though nothing has happened. All very strange.
It’s just a theory to try and explain all this. Plus of course, autism to be thrown into the mix. Nothing has been diagnosed as far as PTSD is concerned, but there must be an element of it, maybe? Maybe? As I said to my doctor today, I’ll wake up in a few weeks time and I’ll be fine again.
To put it bluntly, midsummer isn’t a great time. I thought it was the depths of midwinter, but clearly that’s wrong. Life, don’t you just love it?
Allen Brooks xx