Morning. I’m off out to watch cricket but my anxiety has tried to intervene to prevent me from going.
I just know that the anxiety will flare up. Shallow breathing, feeling of doom, with a bit of nausea and sicky feeling to go with it. I can go weeks, occasionally months, without too much problem, then bang, the old feelings will come back and attempt to run my life.
Why the anxiety? Absolutely no idea at all. There are no earthly reasons behind it. It is quite literally, inexplicable. There may be the odd trigger to it, but today, no reason at all. I’m off to watch a sport I love, I’m on the train, the weather is very nice, so there are three reasons why anxiety shouldn’t strike.
But the important thing to remember is that I’ve gone out. I haven’t turned back. I’m sitting on the train, still with the feelings. My CBT counsellor advised me that anxiety will always be with me, it’s a question of controlling it. That’s what I’m doing today. Controlling the anxiety, controlling the irrational thoughts. Writing this blog post helps concentrate the mind too.
As I said, it’s purely random. It’s like a pickpocket coming up to steal your wallet. Anxiety is a thief of goodness, put another way. It’s a demon I have to live with. I will get through the day, hopefully. Just enjoy the beautiful morning here in London. That’s what makes life good!
Peace and love