Hello. Strange day. My emotions are bubbling to the surface, and I can categorically say that 3rd June is not an easy day. It’s days like this that the loneliness factor creeps in, wondering why I’m in this situation.
Also, I’ve been sleeping very heavily today, and for a fairly long time. Trying to shut out what is going on. It’s then that my subconscious comes into play. The dreams I had this afternoon were vivid and unpleasant.
Why? Because they were dreams about negativity. Dreams about being told that I’m not good enough for anything. Being left on the shelf, being ignored, being shut out, that was the gist of the dreams.
Of course that isn’t true at all. But occasionally those feelings come to the surface, the demons that lurk quietly in the background making their way into my psyche again. I hope that the negative dreams were just that, dreams without meaning. But I must have had some things weighing on my mind for it to go off on that tangent. Mentally and physically tired. I didn’t miss going to umpire today. I knew that I wasn’t in the frame of mind to do so. Someone suggested that I go to umpire and that would make me feel better, but no, if I can’t perform to a high standard, then that is unfair on me and the players.
Burnt out….maybe I do need a rest, perhaps a little holiday might be in order again. I’ll see. Just want to get this weekend over with. It isn’t good.
Allen Brooks xx