I could feel it, I could sense it. I’ve crashed, psychologically, straight into the wall. I felt myself starting to go on Thursday night at the pub. There’s no trying to hide it, I wasn’t that enthusiastic about going and seeing my work colleague for a few drinks. Wasn’t anything to do with her at all, I just couldn’t muster the energy or effort. A spent force.
Today is a follow on from that. I was due to go out and umpire today. I’ve had to cancel. Woke up about 30 minutes ago and found I had little energy or drive to go out the door and travel to the game. I cannot give of my best at all when I’m feeling like this. I don’t want to see anyone, don’t want to talk to anyone, I’ve just run straight into a very large wall.
I’ve let the appropriate people know. I’m not sure how this has happened. There is that anniversary I was speaking of, but this is a combination of mental and physical tiredness. Burnt out, shot to bits. I’ve been walking round as though my legs and feet have been made of cement, struggling to move myself around. Not good.
I suppose it was too good to last. I’ve enjoyed the year up to now, and enjoyed the cricket. But I’ve gone. The well of enjoyment and enthusiasm has run dry, it has caught up with me. Think I was running on autopilot just recently.
Yes, the cricket has been good, the players have been good and it’s been great to be involved. But there’s only so much I can take before I go down once again. I’ve reached that point.
Too good to last…
Allen Brooks xx