Hot pants…..

Before you think I’ve gone all risqué, read on.

Good morning. It’s a cracking morning in London. The sun is beating down and it’s hot already, even at 9 in the morning. I wish I could sound a little more enthused, but again, I’m in the middle of another panic attack. Except this time, I’ve gone out rather than staying in.

Off to volunteering at the cafe, you see. But waking up at 7.30 and getting ready, my breathing was already starting to feel shallow and I was starting to think of reasons not to traverse out of the front door.

It’s like a feeling of dread. What is in store for me? Well I was about to find out. Yet another bus fare dodger wanting a free ride. Having already witnessed this excuse for a human being spitting on the floor near me, I already had my mind made up. Not again, I thought, as he argued with the driver. The driver this time, was a lot more conciliatory than hitherto, and so the ratbag was allowed to travel. Not good for my state of mind. 

It’s getting hotter, I’m struggling to breathe properly, hence the blog title of Hot Pants. On the station platform, just trying to stay calm and focused. Not easy. But I managed it. I’m on the air conditioned train recalling my experiences thus far today.

I’m quite proud for not turning back. I could have done. Indication of my jittery mind that I could have stayed indoors on a glorious June morning. But I didn’t take the easy option. I’m on the way to see my erstwhile colleague, and hopefully to relax a little more.

Anxiety and panics? You think it’s easy to deal with? No, it isn’t. Sometimes it can be a real ordeal, even doing something quite straightforward. What is there to worry about? Nothing at all. But try telling that to my mind that is racing in a hundred different directions. 

1……2….and breathe

Allen Brooks xx

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Author: allenbrooks44

44 year old adult living with Autism...

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