It’s 1.30 on a warm Monday afternoon. What am I doing? Ridiculous as this sounds, I’m sitting in a coffee shop, having a bit of lunch. I had lunch yesterday, and then things went wrong. Today seems a little different somehow.

I just feel a little different. The anxiety is there for sure. The stomach is churning, but my mind is saying something different. Little or no negativity, I’ve gone out today and straight on the bus with few problems.

Reason? Answers on a postcard. The strangeness and fertile nature of the Allen Brooks brain has settled for a good day today. I’m sitting here, watching the world go by as I type. And I feel reasonable. Not wonderful or depressed or anxious, just reasonable. Average, settling for mediocrity. I’d gladly settle for that after the horrors of yesterday. 

I have somewhere to go. Will I make it or turn around again? I think I’ll make it this time. I think I have the strength and fortitude to make it this time. Determination and a willingness to “win ugly” to use a modern sporting vernacular. 

Why do I rebound from low to ok to low and back to ok again? If anyone could tell me, I would be eternally grateful. Today is a new day and I’m determined that average ness rules ok. If that’s ok with you? 

Allen Brooks xx


Author: allenbrooks44

44 year old adult living with Autism...

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