Alcohol is a depressant…right?

Right. But that doesn’t stop people from seeking solace in it. Like myself. I’m not a heavy drinker per se, I do like a drink to be sociable but I never go over the top. 

I occasionally have a drink to block things out. It never works, so why do it? It’s a temporary thing, to block out the bad memories and the current situation. It works, until the following day when the memories are still there. I shouldn’t do it, but when, like this evening, the temptation is there, I partake.

By 9pm, I was feeling fairly tired. I had four large glasses of cider, and that was that. I tried to be sociable, I tried to engage in conversation at this birthday party I went to, I tried, I really did.

But was it enough? I’m not sure. I still had my fallow periods of sitting there, not engaging and not talking. A couple of people that knew me looked mildly concerned (they are aware of my mental health issues), and tried to engage me in conversation. All the usual thoughts come to mind. Am I interesting enough? Am I good enough? I know the answers to those questions already. But the awkwardness of social anxiety, social situations and the delights of my autism diagnosis make for a long evening for yours truly, and for anyone unfortunate enough to talk to me. 

So, I sought some solace in a glass of alcohol, filled with ice of course. Right now, I have a slight headache. I will sleep because of the drink, but tomorrow will just be another day where the insecurities are still there. I have another God knows how many years of this. I’m autistic, just thought you should know that before passing comment…..

Allen Brooks xx

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Author: allenbrooks44

44 year old adult living with Autism...

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