Tough times…but I’m battling on.

Hello. I’m hot, bothered and just a little bit exhausted, mentally and physically. 

Presentation day today. That meant travelling out of the area to address a class of sixth form students on mental health. Well we know what that means for me. Panic stations, anxiety, shallow breathing and all round exhaustion. 

Off the bus…not knowing what to expect. Will there be a class of 10, 20, 30 or 100? How will I perform? What do I have to say? All these thoughts running through my over wrought mind, as I walk to the school from the bus stop.

Then the breathing goes. I start to panic. I feel hot, I’m gasping for air. I’m plodding along the road with all the grace of an arthritic tortoise. Where is this place? The weather is hot, and I’m struggling.

I walk into the school reception, more like stagger in through the doors, get a glass of water and get directed to the room. My partner in crime arrives soon after and we start the presentation after lunch. I was expecting scores of pupils to arrive, in the end there were only…..five. That’s right. I’ve got myself in such a state, preparing to talk to five people. Ridiculous really. 

It went well and it was an informal session. My manager was there, so that helped. The feedback that was given throughout the day from other sessions was largely very positive, meaning we must be doing a good job. 

Luckily, there was a pub about 500 yards from the school, so we dived in there and had a refreshing drink to quench our thirst. The drink I had went down very quickly indeed. Lovely. 

Then it was the journey home. Or a slog, whichever you prefer. 90 minutes later, I make it, having to walk the last part of the journey as the buses were stuck in another part of the area. Yet another accident on one of the main roads was the cause. The whole area grinds to a halt, causing more anxiety for me. 

Again, I was shattered when I got home. Mentally exhausted at the moment. Lots going on, and it’s difficult trying to cope. But I will battle away until they carry me out. The electric fan and a cool drink will do to relax me through the evening. 

Tough. But I’ll keep going, I owe it to myself to do that. 

Allen Brooks xx

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Author: allenbrooks44

44 year old adult living with Autism...

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