We return you to your normal programmes….

Hello there. Apologies for the hiatus in the Allen Brooks story. There’s a good reason for that. It was my birthday on Saturday. People that know me were well aware of this seismic (?) happening on other social media platforms so there was no need for repetition on here.

It was a nice, convivial evening at the pub I usually frequent. My sister and brother-in-law came along and met some of my acquaintances from the pub and the Peer Support group. There was plenty of alcohol drunk, as you might expect, and plenty of food eaten. One of the pub friends is a very talented baker, and he made two dozen cup cakes for us to eat, which I was very grateful for, after all he went to a lot of time and effort to prepare the cakes.

How do I feel turning 45 years of age? No different really. It’s just a number after all. The medication seems to be kicking in fully now. Still having some indifferent moments, and physically I still feel tired at times.

Spent most of yesterday in the company of some of the attendees from Saturday, trying hard not to feel shattered, but failing miserably. Next time I organise something like a party, I will take a little more care over it. Some of the smaller details got forgotten about, such as music and provision of food. 

There’s always a but…..and I won’t say what that is. It’s my paranoia and low self esteem coming into play, that’s all I’ll divulge at this point. Got to be careful I don’t press the self destruct button, which is always nearby. 

Off to do some volunteering this morning. The weather has behaved itself the last three days, to make up for the ghastly stuff of the last three weeks. This morning is warm and pleasant. Nice to get some fresh air.

So I’ll have to change the 44 in the blog address to 45. But not yet.

Bye

Allen Brooks xx

Narcissistic Personality Disorder…

  
Narcissism. Named after Narcissus, the God who saw his reflection in water and revelled in the afterglow of the image. Otherwise known as people who love themselves and are faithful to themselves each and every day, by the attention they receive in the public eye. 

Look at the two figures above and tell me whether they are narcissistic? I know what I think. 

Allen Brooks xx

Happy birthday to me…well not quite yet..

  

I’m forever searching for some decent people in the world and today I found some, at the Peer Support group.

It was a rocky start to the day. I must confess to feeling a bit zonked out when I awoke at 7.30 this morning. Managed to kick myself into gear and get to the local cafe for a big, hearty breakfast. This didn’t have a great deal of effect at first. I felt as though I was on autopilot, like an aircraft. I reached my destination, at the office, but not sure how I managed that.

Nice to be running a pleasant little gathering of 8 people this morning. All was well when my second in command told us the manager wanted to see us and the group to be wrapped up early. I agreed to this, until somebody mentioned there was a birthday cake on the way! Now my birthday is on Saturday, and in walked the manager with a cake, a card and an indoor pot plant! Wonderful. I felt somewhat embarrassed, but it was nice to feel valued and liked by the company. It was a nice surprise. 

The real thing is on Saturday, and I will be tucking in to some of the cake between now and the weekend. The others in the group shared some slices between them, I can’t eat it all myself! I was also informed that the six candles signified ten years each! Cheeky. But I must confess to feeling that old of late.

Nice to have a pleasant surprise like that, and to share it with some great people.

Allen Brooks xx

What us Brits think of the current weather….

Apologies for the content of the post but I think it sums up how appalling the weather has been for the last two weeks in Britain….. 

 
While the rest of Europe is very hot, very sunny and very gorgeous. Here, it’s grey, cold, wet and throughly unpleasant.

Again many apologies for the content….

Allen Brooks xx

Sleeping for England…

  
I think if sleeping was an Olympic sport, I’d have a chance of winning. Either too much sleeping or a lack of sleep, it wouldn’t matter.

I actually fell asleep yesterday afternoon, which is quite rare for me these days. I mean, having awoke at a late hour, there’s no need to sleep in the afternoon! But I did yesterday. I had my dinner and then I felt even more tired yesterday evening. Sleep, sleep, sleep.

I was supposed to volunteer at the cafe this morning, but at 7:30 am, I was more akin to serving my fellow zombies. I decided I wasn’t going anywhere, and messaged my colleague to that effect. Back to bed, for more, you guessed it, sleep.

Must be the medication that’s sending me into oblivion. And the day today hasn’t filled me with great joy. It’s winter time in August. It’s a thoroughly depressing day, cold, wet and windy and not doing anything for my enthusiasm. So it’s all positive news! 

Some people say that if you sleep a lot, your body probably needs it. I think over the last 24 hours, I’ve managed to help my body recover! The rest of the week should be ok…I hope.

So that’s the latest update from my sleepy world, medication induced. All good fun.

Allen Brooks xx

Warehouse woes….

2010 again. I found myself a job in a warehouse, helping to prepare shopping orders to go out to the general public. It was a job that I actually quite enjoyed for a while, the staff were very friendly and I was able to concentrate on something pleasant for a change.

Then, as so often happens, it all started to go wrong. My car had stopped working altogether one night, leaving me without a decent mode of transport. So I had to get three trains and a taxi cab to the warehouse from my home, costing me a fair amount of money each time.

Also, I was in deep debt, left over from the failed marriage. Money was coming in, but with the debts totalling up to a £1,000, I couldn’t pay off the debts and keep myself going properly. I was disappearing down a black hole once again.

One night, I was busying myself in the warehouse. A song was being played over the radio, I can’t remember which one, but it brought the emotions to the surface. I carried on, and I don’t know how I didn’t break down in front of everyone. Call it devotion to duty I suppose. But it was a near thing.

In the end, I had to leave the job. I started to go downhill again and I couldn’t give the company the commitment they demanded. Though they were sympathetic, I had no choice but to depart. I felt I was working 40 odd hours a week but with no end product, tangible money in my account. I was living a lie. The debts needed to be paid off. It was a horrible time.

The result? I did pay off the debts, eventually, but I haven’t had a full time job since. I doubt whether I could hold down a steady job now, especially with all the ups and downs of my autism. One day, though, it might all change. But for the moment, full time work is out of the question.

Wasn’t 2010 a great year? Not!

Allen Brooks xx

Christmas 2010…

Several months earlier, my world was in turmoil. Mum had passed away in June of 2010, and I was struggling to come to terms with that event and others that were going on at a similar time.

Usually at Christmas, I go to my sister or nephew for dinner. This particular year, it was at sister’s. How would I cope? This will be the first Christmas without Mum. 

The day arrived. I remember the day, it was the tail end of a very cold spell of weather. I wasn’t in the greatest frame of mind, emotions were swirling around in my head. It was time for dinner. I sat there, but there was a vacancy never again to be filled. Normally I would eat my dinner without too many problems. This time, I left half of it. The appetite was gone. I wasn’t enjoying this at all.

At future Christmasses, I tried to shut out all the bad memories, with some measure of success. I don’t enjoy that time of year, and it is very difficult to push myself through to the New Year. But I must have been strong to have lasted this far. Another test of my mental fortitude is on the way in a few months time, and the weather outside this summer’s day speaks only of winter. Dark, gloomy and with foreboding. I have to cope each and every day. There’s no other choice. 

Allen Brooks xx