The weirdness of mental illness….

The strangeness of my moods and well being continues today. Now for most of last week, it was hot, sunny and dry. Did I go out much to take advantage of the good weather? Not really. 

Today in London, it’s positively horrible. Dark skies, heavy rain and it’s just miserable. But I don’t feel too bad, strangely enough. I felt able to talk to my sister for 15 minutes on the phone after I didn’t want to speak to her when she contacted me over the last two days. That must be an indication that I do feel better, talking to someone that I should be talking to on a regular basis. She does realise that I have these spells where I don’t feel so great, and it’s nothing to do with anyone else. It’s how I feel and my rather peculiar state of mind.

It’s all peculiar, I will readily admit. Very up and down with feelings of low mood, anxiety, paranoia and loneliness. Could it be depression again? Could it be making a comeback after a vacation? I hope not. I’m going to put off going to the doctors for a while, just so I can work my way through this bad spell. 

But, as I said, slightly better today, despite the weather returning to autumn. Many a psychologist and counsellor have tried to delve into the Allen Brooks mind, and this autism can be a strange beast. I hope that in a few weeks, I can return to the good times again. For the moment, it’s a battle.

Allen Brooks xx

More Four…

Is the name of a UK TV channel. But also that applies to the Peer Support group this morning. There were only four of us. Due to various reasons, the twelve that adorned the room so well last week was reduced in size.

But no matter. We chatted away about various things, like family history, our own current mental health status, and about medication. So, despite the paucity of numbers, we found plenty to occupy the two hours. 

The weather has changed today too, for the better in my view. It’s still warm, but with more than a hint of freshness in the air. The oppressive humidity and airless conditions of the last few days is a thing of the past. A few people I’ve spoken to have complained of the heat being a little too much. I like the day we have today. Warm, but fresh, not sweating like a pig. Perfect.

How’s my anxiety today? Ok, as it goes. Not a hint of it. But as I said in other posts, it comes and goes in fits and starts. Off now to see a friend for the day.

Laters

Allen Brooks xx

Downhill run..

Hello. 21st June today. The longest day of the year. The day that marks the downhill run to 21st December, meaning it gets gradually darker in the evenings. Joy! 

Today is the hottest June day since that glorious summer of 1976. It’s been about 35 degrees C, 95 degrees F in old money. Hot enough. Having ventured out earlier, I was then regretting leaving the cool of indoors to sample the oven like conditions outside.

A few people are not happy with this hot spell. Then again, we English are never happy. It’s either too wet, too dry, too cold or too hot. Personally, I prefer it to be less humid and oven like. Next time I’ll squash myself in the oven and turn on the heat to regulo 8. Not a pretty sight, I’m sure you’ll agree.

What about me and anxiety? It’s been a little better. I even ventured out to a meeting yesterday without too much trouble. But there was a warning shot fired across the bows today. Someone wanted me to go and umpire a match tonight. I had to decline. Even thinking about the possibility of umpiring makes me anxious at the moment. I don’t know why. The enthusiasm and zest for cricket that was there for 8-10 weeks has disappeared, hopefully temporarily. The prospect of standing there and making a fool of myself plays on the mind to such an extent that the negativity is overbearing. 

Of course, I don’t make a fool of myself at cricket, but try telling that to my fertile mind that sets off on a voyage that leaves me ready to hit another iceberg. The wrestling that goes on with my mind is something I’ll never be able to come to terms with. 

Bizarre. But that’s me. Utterly bizarre.

Allen Brooks xx

El Scorchio….!!

It’s been extremely, some might say, dangerously hot in parts of Southern Europe, with temperatures topping out at 100 Fahrenheit or more. Unbearable heat.

Some of that is wafting it’s way to the UK. The weekend could see temperatures in the 90s. The trouble is, it’s coinciding with the hay fever season and the rise in pollution. I’m not complaining mind you. After being totally windswept and soaked by a ghastly Tuesday last week, this is all very welcome.  Could be beach and factor 30 time again. Now where is a lovely lady to rub sun tan cream on my back? Nowhere to be seen…story of my life!

Enjoy it!

Allen Brooks xx

Weather most foul….or winter time in June

One thing you can say, the UK weather is most certainly unpredictable. Today is a case in point. It is, in a word, horrid.

Yep. Gale force southerly, skies as grey as slate and rain which is incessant. I feel like that I’ve been transported six months back or forward. Ugh. I’ve got an umbrella with me, though what good that is I’m not too sure. I’m having trouble from stopping the thing blowing away, and me with it.

So if you see a 6ft 3in, 17 stone male flying over the rooftops in East London, please alert the relevant authorities. To prove how fickle the weather is, ten days ago I was enjoying the balmy heat. Today, it might be time to huddle round the campfire. 

Still, we wouldn’t want it any other way in  the UK. 

Allen Brooks xx

Cooked and washed away….

Well it was another game of cricket today. We started the match in very hot and sultry conditions, very uncomfortable and oppressive. The sun shining made it feel like an oven being switched to full heat.

Nice game, no problems, and then the rain arrived to condemn the game to a premature close. That’s the first abandonment of all the matches I’ve done so far, so not bad going at all. Can’t be hot and sunny every day, this is England remember! 

Don’t feel as tired today, having an early night and catching up on sleep certainly helps me feel ok the following day. 2017 is all good, but I always guard against complacency. You never know what is round that corner……

Allen Brooks xx

Moving the furniture around upstairs….

Morning. Early night last night and in the main, I slept rather well. Was awake around six with the sun just coming up and it was still feeling warm.

However, I must have drifted off again until I heard “BOOOOMMMMM”! What the hell was that, I said, or words to that effect. It was a thunderstorm. The heat and humidity has broken over this part of London. Down came the rain. Don’t think it’s cooled the air down much though. 

So, just to clarify the post title “Moving the furniture around upstairs”, that’s what a thunderstorm is. Him upstairs rearranging a sofa and a couple of tables. Could do with a sofa myself actually, but I digress. 

A lively start to the weekend. Not sure how it’s going to affect the cricket, but I’ll no doubt see later on. All fun and games.

Allen Brooks xx